. . .  Continued from before.

After the the 6 hours of up hill momentum I returned to the Mt. Shasta parking lot tired but smiling.  Julie had grilled up some wonderful organic grass-fed cheese burgers.  Yumm!  When we finally got ready to head back down the road to town and visit with our fun friends, Kate and Jen, the van would not start.  ?   So; try again.  Nothing.  Well no big deal, we'll just give her a little push and coast start her down the 12 miles of mountain road.  Only Dolores gave no response to the friction against her gears.  ?  

She is now parked out front of Kate and Jen's house hoping to be fixed by someone.  I tired for the last few days to little avail (with the help of numerous passer-bys and a friend-of- a-friend who knows VW's.)  The promise of tomorrow is Larry's Mobil Service.  We (myself and all that help) think it is a fuel delivery issue but there are powerful energies at work from Mt. Shasta and the abruptness of the not starting is very mysterious.  I am not really happy about the stalled van but I am trying to be as up beat as possible about the situation in which Julie and I are landing in Mt. Shasta.  I normally would not have under taken so much to the "try to fix it myself" responsibility these days but I was hoping it would be simple, quick and cheap.  Instead it has lead to a less than ideal experience of my reality.  My dislike of working on broken contraptions gets many opportunities to rear its head into my consciousness.  This time around I have enjoyed some parts of "the ride" more than on previous fix-its.  It is amazing the layers of Karma which need to be unfolded for the spirit to continue finding freedom.  I am not quite sure what fear I hold about things not working in my world.  Does it have partly to do with the financial responsibility of fixing things and maintaining a comfortable life?  Can the part of me that needs to do everything myself because I've got to get it perfect let go and forgive so I can more fully enjoy the experience at hand?  These "fix it" parts of my ego keep getting activated at new levels as I free different parts of my being.  So I still do hold on to identities of Zach which are no longer serving me to my fullest.  Surrendering to the moment and letting joy guide my experience as the layers of fear peel off my ego, is a bigger trust than I have been able to manage recently.  

 Now that Julie and I are thinking of landing somewhere and the road trip has ended I need to let go of more identities.  The irony is that the identity of the traveler is not the heavy one.  All the fear is around the job and the safe space to live.  Already I have put limits on myself by claiming most of May for playing and celebrating.   So without the van to drive around and live in I feel somewhat inadequate.  Thankfully I can lean on the shoulders of our new friends Kate and Jen (Julie too.)  They are so supportive, welcoming and fun.  Sharing their home is a blessing.  I know things will work out and there will be lots to laugh about remembering our landing here in Mt. Shasta.  I wanted to give you all a view into life which is not the outdoor adventure with amazing fun.  Well it really is still amazing fun because the cleaning out of karma is the most fascinating process of life.  Thanks, love Zach.