Rust to dust

Riding on the van is a little slow these days as we are basking in the glow of post Mardi Gras.  As the hang over wears off and we begin to think about moving on we had actually begun to pack up our special home on wheels.  But a few days ago I was doing a vehicle inspection and my finger went right through the wheel well into the side wall of the van body.  In other words I poked a hole in the van where water and other stuff could get into the van's interior and make a mess.  Of course this soft metal patch had always been there but prior to my investigation the severity of the problem had not need to be fixed.  So now I have an interesting scenario for some mental flossing.  I really have been hoping not to be overly involved in repair projects.  Yet I also have been hoping to go to snow wintery climates.  So to drive the van, with it's puncture into it's underbelly, up into snow country is only asking for trouble.  Or so my mind believes.  Somehow I cannot let the illusion of perfection, a van that is totally ready to handle the elements of the mountain west, disovle into a paradise of being, the van is fine in its isness and can survive what it survives because that is what we all do as living creating beings.  In my journey along the road of "choosing what I want from how I am feeling" this is a great lesson.  I don't really want to be doing the work to fix the now many finger holes in the drivers side of the van wall.  But I want to get on the road and be driving soon, and I don't feel good about spending a lot of money on a repair of this sort.  Why do I feel that these choices are conflicting or have to happen in an order and if I am really interested in making change in my life and lifestyle, what other choices can I envision?  Today we worked all day to ready the van body for a coat of fiberglass hole repair.  I started off strong wanting to accomplish the task ahead but soon found myself feeling like there was something else to do that would be more me.  Every time I came back to the grinding and buffing I would feel this enormous "blahhh" towards the job I think I need to do because I can and it will save me so much money.  So that was today.  We'll see how the meditation goes tomorrow.   Bye for now.  Zach